Top 10 Funniest Things That Ever Happened on My Dairy

These are my own tall tales from thirty-one years of milking cows near Stephenville, told the way I tell them at the co-op counter.

1. The Gate Latch Gladys Learned

   A Holstein named Gladys figured out my parlor gate latch and began calling the whole herd to milking at three in the morning.

2. The Milk Hauler and the Radio Choir

   Our bulk tank driver left his truck radio on in the lot, and the whole herd formed a choir that still sings at four o'clock.

3. The Robot Milker Who Played Favorites

   We installed a new robotic milker, and within a week one cow named Dolly was using it like a coin-operated massage chair.

4. The Fan That Wouldn't Be Turned Off

   One July heat wave, a cow named Pearl parked herself in front of the big box fan and defended it against the whole herd.

5. The Casserole in the Ration Binder

   At the county dairy meeting I read out my feed ration, and it turned out I had the potluck recipe card in my binder instead.

6. The Calf That Joined the Class Photo

   On a spring school field trip, a three-week-old Jersey calf named Biscuit wandered into the class picture and stayed in every single print.

7. The Key the Crow Took

   A crow named Walter stole my tractor key three mornings in a row and returned it every evening to the same fence post by the gate.

8. The Weather Balloon in the Feed Alley

   A white balloon with a little foam box dropped out of the sky into my feed alley, and the whole herd studied it like a jury.

9. The Hay Truck With the Wrong Address

   A delivery of twenty tons of alfalfa went to a wedding venue by mistake, and the groom's family thanked us for the centerpieces.

10. The Cow With Two Tags

    My herd records showed one cow giving four hundred gallons a day, until I found out two cows were sharing a number and a plan.